TW: Domestic & Family Violence
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting behaviour refers to making someone question their perception of reality, their memories and possibly their identity. This is a form of psychological abuse that is often carried out through one’s words or actions, and it often causes confusion to its subject.
According to popular belief, the term ‘gaslight’ arose from the 1944 film of the same name. In this film, a man psychologically manipulated his wife which eventually led her to believe she was insane.
Gaslighting is a type of manipulation, and often results in one questioning their version of the truth and/or reality. In fact, some victims of gaslighting may not even realise that it is happening. Some common indicators of gaslighting are:
Trivialising one’s feelings and concerns
Questioning one’s memory or truth (statements such as ‘Are you sure about that? You have bad memory’ and the like)
Denying certain events or statements and allegedly claiming that they were false.
These are just some examples of the various ways gaslighting behaviour occurs. If an individual experiences such behaviour on a regular basis, it is likely that recognising such behaviour becomes increasingly difficult as one eventually becomes accustomed to it.
Gaslighting may also occur during your separation journey.
Emotions run high and you can feel that the conflict between you and your ex is escalating. There is a real possibility that gaslighting behaviour may occur where one may end up questioning their reality and memory of events that occurred prior, during or after separation.
Case Study: Kim Kardashian & Kanye West (Kimye Divorce)
Recently, Kanye took to social media to post private messages from Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson in the midst of their new relationship. Kanye’s PR team came to the hurry to delete the posts, but as mentioned in our Support Space article here about social media, once you share something to the internet it’s there forever!
In his barrage of Instagram posts, Kanye told his million followers that Kim has tried to keep him from his children maliciously, despite the concerns she has for his mental health and stability. It all centred around their child, Chicago’s birthday party which Kanye asserts that he was not made aware of the party or its address. According to insiders, Kanye tried not once or twice, but three times to enter the party until Kim’s little sister Kylie opened the gate.
People are now asking Kim – why didn’t you let him into his daughter’s party?
From the perspective of Kanye’s fans, Kim is being a “bad mother” for not allowing Kanye to see his children despite the concerns that she has.
As mentioned above, gaslighting can (in a completely unique way to your circumstances) have you questioning reality. In this kind of circumstance, you might be saying something like:
Is it true that I am a bad mother because I didn’t tell him about my daughter’s birthday party because I’m concerned about his mental health?
Everyone around me is telling me that I’m in the wrong.
Maybe he is right and I should just give up even though I know that I shouldn’t.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and is considered same by the Courts given the definition of family violence in the Family Law Act.
Gaslighting can affect anybody, and it is important to get in touch with the support networks available to better understand the situation that you are going through.
If you are experiencing family or domestic violence, the 1800RESPECT hotline is available 24 hours on 1800 737 732. If you are wanting to learn more about how your experiences may arise in your separation, be sure to contact us to organise a time to meet with the Family.
Written by Collaborative Family Lawyer, Stefano Cammarano.
Want to learn more about Stefano? Click here.
