School holidays are a great opportunity to spend time with your family, relax at home or engage in exciting activities with the children that you wouldn’t normally do during the school term.
In a co-parenting arrangement, holidays can be stressful – but it doesn’t need to be.
By planning ahead of time and remaining child focused, you can maximise your time with your family and turn this time into a lot of fun for the children.
This may not always be easy, but we are here to help and provide you with some of our tips when determining holiday arrangements.
Solidifying the schedule
Setting a plan and solidifying a holiday schedule is very important moving into the holidays with children. Going into the holidays with a plan removes any anxiety or angst the children may feel.
Establishing a schedule and ascertaining how the holiday plans may proceed can be stressful initially, but by implementing a plan which includes details such as collection times and locations, unwanted stress and miscommunication can be mitigated.
The first step is to speak with your ex and structure a schedule which works for the both of you, and more importantly, your children.
This process should not be left until the last minute. It should not be assumed that you know what is happening over the break without discussing it with your co-parent. Remember, failing to plan is planning to fail.
Some things to consider, when creating your holiday schedule are:
The children’s ages;
Outings that your children would like to attend with their friends;
Family traditions;
Religious beliefs and events; and
How amicably you are able to communicate with your co-parent.
Try to plan your schedule ahead of time.
Are there any events or special occasions in the holidays where you wish to see the child? Plan for it and add it to your calendar, whether it be on your phone or the one you may have on your fridge.
Write it down because you may easily overlook it.
Leaving the structure of the school term is a break in routine for the children. However, coordinating a shared parenting plan during the holidays, and sticking to it, allows the structural change to be less of an impact.
Any plans, whether formal or informal, should address who collects the children from their final day of school, and from where and when the children are to be returned to the other parent.
Being time specific in these plans can help reduce potential miscommunication between the co-parents and any stress for the children. The plan needs to also address occurrences where the child/children may not be able to attend their time due to unforeseen circumstances, such as illness.
Finding a schedule or arrangement that works for your family, may not necessarily work for another. The best schedule is one that works for you, your co-parent and your children. This is going to take a significant amount of cooperation with your former partner.
The key pre-fix here is “co”.
What do we think about when we see “co” added before a word?
Cooperation
Coordination
Co-parenting
Coalition
These words all bring forth connotations of: partnership, alliance, acting jointly together for common purpose or interpersonal relationships.
Remember these connotations when you are co-parenting.
Communication
Communicating with your co-parent is very important to ensure a smooth transition into the holidays.
Having your schedule pre-arranged reduces the back and forth during the holidays and allows you to maximise your time with your family.
When communicating with your co-parent, remember to remain child focused and flexible.
Setting clear boundaries in relation to communication will alleviate stress and potential miscommunication. It is important to consider when and how the communication occurs, what information the other co-parent may need and what the impact of the communication will be on you, your co-parent and the children.
An example of setting communication boundaries is where parties communicate via text message or email for parenting arrangements, but in the event of an urgent issue or emergency, co-parents can call one another directly; so as to keep each parent informed.
If messaging your co-parent directly does not suit your current Parenting Agreement, there is an array of parenting communication applications which allows you to communicate amicably with your co-parent.
These applications include,
Cozi; and
Click any of the applications above to access their website.
Listen to the children and what they need.
It is often easy to consider your own feelings when establishing a co-parenting schedule during the holidays. Focusing on the best outcome for your child/children will assist with your plans.
Your child/children are likely feeling excited to start the holidays and have a break from their usual school routine. Talk to them (if they are old enough to understand) about what the holiday arrangements will be, and where they will be spending time. This can calm any concerns or anxiety.
Make it clear to them that the holiday schedule is different to their usual school routine, so they know what to expect. This is especially important if this is the first holiday period since separation. Ask them what they would like to do, so you can plan different activities or outings with your co-parent, to an effort to avoid doubling up. Their voice is important and acts as a good starting point for the holiday arrangement.
Where to now?
Plan ahead and diarise the school holiday dates for the year.
If you’re in NSW, you can access the school holiday dates by clicking here.
Navigating the holidays can be stressful for the entire family, but it doesn’t always need to be.
Be kind to yourself over the holidays.
You’re managing a stressful time and doing your best.
When the children are not in your care, slow down and take time for yourself. Both you and your co-parent remaining child focused can ensure the best holiday experience for the whole family.
At Kalpaxis Legal, we are here for you. Getting ahead of any issues that may arise can alleviate future stress. Our door is always open for you and your family.
Get in touch with us to book a free, 15 minute, initial consultation today by giving us a ring on (02) 8631 8593 or sending us an email at info@kalpaxislegal.com.au
